Today is a new day. For all of us. This is a time in my life, where I am wanting a closer walk with my Lord. I am learning and wanting to continue learning, to put Jesus first in my life. We all shld strive for a closer walk with our Lord. It hasn't been an easy thing to do. Lifes temptations are great. Thankfully the Lord knew this and gave us a way to be forgiven, and prayer to help us to refrain--to resist--and have faith.

I feel as though I am supposed to reach out--where and to who--remains unknown to me. But I know that since I've changed my paths, my life has been easier. The Christian walk is not easy no--but life is better is what I mean. It has been a difficult path, but one that I strive to stay on. Learning to forgive others--I always thought, came easy to me. Last fall, I learned otherwise. For 4 months, I struggled. I struggled with forgiveness, from a person that I didn't understand, how one culd teach their children to be so hateful and ugly, and tell them it was okay to behave that way if they were angry. I had to truly fight--time in prayer, asking the Lord to help me conquer that, and finally I was told, by the Lord, that I had to pray for her too. What? Now, that....was hard.

But I obeyed. And then... :) I can smile because forgivness came a little easier. With time and prayer. There are days we fight, we struggle, and we just learn to give those struggles to the Lord, and our Father above will help us to overcome them. Because, I learned, something I had to keep in mind, we are incapable of forgiving---our God helps us to forgive. Thank you! Thank you for giving me forgiveness and the ability thru you, Christ Jesus, to forgive!

I continue to struggle in my path, the path the Lord has chosen for me--is narrow, but I WILL prevail, through Him! :) For with Him, all things are possible. (i forget the bible verse at the moment sorry!) I don't mind that its a difficult path. For because even though this path may be difficult, to me, it means that happiness, will prevail. I have a better life--and all I need. I choose to let the Lord guide me. For He is my fort. My rock and my salvation. I'll smack myself and learn to forgive myself if I do something wrong, because we all make mistakes, and none of us are perfect. We can only strive to not do things intentionally to hurt others.

So here's to our walk with our Lord. May God bless us all, and hold our hands, guide us, and show us the way. Today, tomorrow, and forever!

my deafness with family and friends

My eyes are my ears. With my eyes, I "hear" the world. The other nite, I visited old friends--those I grew up with--when i could hear. Before my hearing was totally lost. Back in the time, when hearingaids were useful. Then, my hearing gradually declined, and I drifted apart, allowing my hearingloss to come between me, my family and my friends. Even tho I made new ones that I culd talk to more, I missed my friendships of old.

This past month, I got to renew these friendships. Staying int ouch is a great thing. I stopped for a quick visit with my grandma--who I struggle so hard to understand--I don't get to visit with her when my family gets together--they're all busy talking, and I cannot hear.
So last Friday, I visited for 45 mins. Alot of it was "lost", hard to follow, but still enjoyable--even though awkward. This is what I mean by drifting apart and allowing it to come between us. We don't know eachother well. Not as well as we did when I was younger. I miss visiting with my family, just sitting and talking to them. Its sad to say, but my deaf acquaintances/friends wuld know more abt me, than my own family.

Then....I made a stop---to my childhood best friends house--I was nervous. I knew I wouldn't be rejected--bec she loves me as I am--accepted me for who I was so long ago-but its soo hard to have a conversation continuously when no sign language is present.But I love her, and I missed her, and I wanted to make an effort to stay in touch, for my family and my childhood best freinds mean the world to me. So I stopped by. Somehow, we managed. 30 mins, a few repeats, but all went well :) Then...in the next town over, I stopped by her sisters, my other equally best childhood friend. Her sister---culd fingerspell and knew a few words in sign---so we visited for 2 hours!

I've learned cherish what we have. Hearingloss shldn't get in the way of family and friends. I've missed alot of time with my family, because I'm really shy, and I don't speak up, because of my hearingloss. I am trying to learn to live without regrets. Missed opportunities--we learn from them.
I don't regret being deaf. I recently learned my mom didn't want me to get the cochlear implant. She was told I would lose what I already had. So she made a wise decision. I am greatful. I love being deaf--I have no complaints. It doesn't matter that I miss out on wonderful sounds---like my childs voice--I miss it--I didn't get to hear his voice become deeper as he changes into a teenager.....like family conversations---but thats life, and we learn to deal with it, and we become positive about other things. Thats my outlook on life, and I'm sticking to it. Make the best of what you have. The glass is half full-not half empty! :)

Christmas in November

Alot of interesting topics have come up lately. First, I just wanna say, I've been thinking about putting my Christmas tree up early. Reason is: well, Thanskgiving is just a few short weeks away. We can still have thanksgiving and enjoy christmas lights and decoration right?

I was driving down my street and I saw some beautiful decorations and trees in the windows already on display. At homes. Ofc, the other places are at the stores.
So why go to the stores just to enjoy the "feel" of Christmas?

When my son was smaller, I felt we shld wait till the day after Thanksgiving. This is to prevent confusion for the little ones. But he's 14 now. And I just wanna enjoy the pretty lights and stuf for a little more than just 1 month.

I don't use Santa claus stuff. I use snowmen--for the "winter" season. I don't believe in decorating with Santa stuff, tho we do "play" santa on christmas day--as long as the younger ones understand its just a fun game and its not real, but they still have to "believe". As long as the true meaning of Christmas is understood.

So now, why not enjoy the christmas decorations, and still have the feel of the family togetherness of the thanksgiving holiday?

I have some more thoughts on this but will post them later.