Just a heartfelt night, when I should be sleeping. Randomness.

BLOG POST:

There are days like today, when I'm reminded that our Heavenly Father is caring and He IS listening, even when I'm muttering mostly to myself--He sends someone out of the blue-of course, my actual friends from out of town----to say hello--just over little things.

 for most of you on facebook, I'm here to "entertain" something to "read'......because I talk constantly. :)  I try anyway. And plus to keep family up to date---since they enjoy hearing from me, even if its just dumb random stuff ;) :-D

I'm quiet in person  -----
 Unless your deaf, then in person-I might yak and usually---too much about stupid random stuff that doesn't matter, because they're safe topics---or to cover my nervousness and because I want to be friendly and I just dont know what to say so I ramble about nothing in particular or things no one cares about.

Sometimes we think we'll be fine without companionship of friends. But the truth is, we are a companion society. Even if we are loners, we occassionally need that "feel" of being around people.

Living in here in  (insert town name) America is a love/hate relationship for me. I like the peace and the quiet, same as (hometown 30 miles away).


 --but I hate being far away from the few friends I do have, and the church/church family I would like to be a part of.  (no that doesn't include (insert hometown)  in all their "niceness" I perfer "genuineness" civilized is good but...when its not genuine it really hurts me. I have plenty of deaf acquaintances  type occasional companions here--but its not the same as having an actual friend and being a part of a real freindship. I love the few dear friends I have---I just dont get to see them often enough. And the fewer, the better yes, but it would be nice to have a GENUINE real one--nearby. :-D

I do have hearing friends that are genuine, but communication barrier is quiet an issue for me.
A church family that I KNOW I would love, surrounded by amazing people, who are true to themselves and God---godly people, in my eyes..if you will. :) People with genuine hearts, who make me want to be a better person, just by their very existence. I have a few deaf friends like this---who I dont see often. We all need that. Those people randomly say hi---and your entir enight is just better because of it.

Anyhoo, back to the story---
(girls night coming up---it'll be fun---a good night of random company--with acquaintance type friends/companionship type)  Not actually genuine friends per se.
Do I even make any sense?

  I love college,-but..... being deaf and shy and communication barriers prevent hanging out with cool hearing people who can't sign. :(  So I distance myself from people-including folks I grew up with that i know would love to hang out and visit. I avoid accepting lunch dates with hearing people---and invites to their gatherings---becasue---Ive tried, and I fail at it.  I just can't do it.

I am me, and this is one of my random nights, of heartfelt blogging---which may or may not make sense. :-D

Forgiveness

I woke up this morning, to the most surprising text I have had in a long while. All I can really say is GOD IS GOOD! He loves us so much, and others so much, and prayers DO come true.

Giving our lives-relationships, friendsips, jobs, everything we have--to God,is the best that we can do for ourselves. And I truly truly believe this.

My life --especially in the past year has been amazing, ofc, not perfect, but definitly amazing, compared to the many that struggle. Ofc I have struggles, but they are nothing like those that don't have the Lord in their lives. This morning, a couple truly showed, that they're truly trying to give their lives to Him. That they've truly forgiven, and moved forward, from the bad things that have happened.

The young lady took the first step, by apologizing, to those who needed apologizing to-and I honestly didn't expect that she would apologize to me too--for something thats a year old-and this shows I believe, that these are first steps ---and you know, I applaud that---because that is the hardest things that we do in a daily life--accepting that we were wrong...we admit when we're wrong, we ask forgiveness for what we've done wrong. To the persons we did it to. And by the divine power of the Lord--life gets better. Because He loves us!

Whoever we are, some of the hardest things, is to forgive someone for something they've done. I had an instance where I struggled. Everytime I thought I forgave, I would have all this anger come back up when I thought of those persons-and I was smart enough to realize, that I hadn't truly forgiven-and I would have to truly pray-constantly, and ask the Lord to help me to forgive, and truly let go of that anger. It didn't happen overnight--it took 4 months to truly 100 percent forgive. I wanted to forgive, I was angry---butI knew I would need to let it go, or it would consume me! A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. (Proverbs 29:11, NIV) Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. (Psalm 37:7, NIV)
Echoing this Psalm is a Proverb:
Do not say, "I'll pay you back for this wrong!" Wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you. (Proverbs 20:22, NIV)

And this is the time the Lord told me too that I had to weed people out of my life.

To me, we as humans, we can't forgive--we NEED our Lord to help us. HE gives us the ability to forgive. I feel this is why there are so many angry ppl in the world, so many that I see that refuse to forgive--they can't--bec its beyond their capabilities--and they need the Lord to do so.

And I believe that even though people may be our enemies, we must pray for them--because its the right thing to do--for them--to find the Lord, to find peace within their marraiges, to find eachother again, to learn to forgive--because I believe in the power of God. So this morning, I am smiling, because --God has been sooo good!

It won't matter who they are. Forgiveness is a part of healing, no matter how we've been wronged--we CAN forgive---by the mercy of Gods loving grace. Because people, we are not perfect--but He is. Look at all we have done! If our Lord can forgive us--then we can forgive others!

Some people view Christian life as "easy", maybe we make it look easy--but its not. Its one of the most difficult paths we'll ever travel, its not a path that is easy to stay on--there are times, when it does seem easy to stay on---it is definitly the path less traveled. But if we remember Him daily, in our prayers, and go to Him, He will help us.

So don't let go. Hang on tight! For the ride, is soo worth it!