Blogtime

Been more than a handful of months since I've blogged.

One thing I've learned in the past months, being in so much pain from that car accident-- it culdve been so much worse.
I have so much to be thankful and greatful for.

I have an amazing family and friends. So many times we get lost in our own paths, we become depressed, withdrawn and feel so helpless.

I wont deny feeling those things. But the impt thing is if I can get thru something like this, so can you. Anyone can.

The past many months have been challening months for me. Unable to cook, clean, do laundry, fold clothes, bend over, squat down, wash dishes, I mean....really basically literally house and bedridden. Ofc in the beginning I was stubborn, bec I had no one else to do those things for me, I didt hem myself no matter how painful it was.

I cried endless tears unable to get out of bed and barely get around, but somehow, I managed. It was the most difficult thing ever, to drive a car. Lifting my foot to push on the gaspedal, was something I never dreamed would be painful. Holding the steeringwheel was difficult.

Doing the simpliest things like grocery shopping, walking into walmart, something women enjoy doing---(ok so the majority)....If I so much as set a foot in walmart, within moments I would be in the car bawling my eyes out for a good 10 mins before I would be able to leave.

I did this all in silence. I didnt allow people to see my tears.
I went to church, sport events, shopped as I needed...and smiled and endured the pain of sitting, standing or walking, then left as soon as I could, to escape to my car, to back out, drive away, and let the tears roll.

Then....I realized, I had to back off. Healing periods MUST happen. And it wasnt going to as long as I pushed myself and endured what I didnt need to endure.

I thought I was going to fall apart. Endless nights that seemed like morning would never come. Pain so intense, all you can do for hours is pray and beg for some relief to sleep.

Months of therapy and I didnt care that the cost was soaring well over 10 thousand dollars. All I cared abt was the little bit of relief I could get.

And today---whether its from my hard work of strengthening my core, or my therpaists work of his hands thru the Lord, or the injections or all combined---my back doesnt hurt soo soo bad.

My hip hurts still, as it always has. Whatever is wrong is still there, but we only recently realized my back wasn't making my leg/hip hurt. Its been an entirely seperate issue.

For months I havent been able to sleep back pain and hip pain has been so intense. And now, i can close my eyes, toss and turn a bit, with frusterations, but sleep will visit, and i can get my rest, and a pain fre nite or two in betwen.

My leg still feels like i need to unscrew it. Take it off for the nite, and just deal with the muscle and lower back pain which seems less than the hip/leg butt pain.

My point i guess, is that strength, prayer and faith are important. Drowning our sorrows won't get us anywhere. Its okay to cry, but keep on going. Dont give up, not even when things seem at their bleekest. We WILL be okay. For the battle has already been won.