Friendships and the truth inside of ourselves

Something that I think about lately:

Lately----it seems theres lot of posts on friendship and true friendships and things going around on facebook.
Everyone will go through something at one point or another in life. Maybe theyre upset, or angry. Maybe theyve been hurt or wronged. For me, I've realized---we are social folk. Most of humanity needs a point of socialism in their life. Some how and some way. Some by marraige, others by friendship, some being blessed with the ability to have both a great relationship with their spouse and great friendships chosen and annointed by our wonderful Father above.

For me, it meant changes in my life. Changes that have occured over years of periods of times, and some really stupid dumb times that I cant believe I allowed to happen. Those changes took place. Then following that were others. I looked up and said? But alas it had to happen. There comes a time in life, when we must let go. We can't cry because others are not there for us when we've been there for them. Yet we are only human.

We love the freindships others have, we may even wish we had that for ourselves. I used to wish and it would make me so sad. Then I realized thats not from Him. Sadness and pain is not soething He would wish upon me. Thats satan. when I realized this---I changed. :) This was God's way of molding me to be more in His image and to be more like Christ and less like me.
Because I pray on it, because I desire it. Because I have to choose it, and when I choose it--He works with it.

See many people think that----"thats how i am if you dont like it tough thats how He made me." But the truth is, its not. He loves you unconditionally, but in my thoughts, if we hve ugliness in us, why would we want to continue or not admit to that? Why would we desire it and stand by it? or feel entitled? Satan. in all holds and smiles he grabs on to what he can.

If we stop and we truly pray and we seek out for the good in ourselves, to ask in CHrists name we seek inside of ourselves the things we cannot see, to show us--so that we can choose change---we are choosing to allow Christ to work inside of us from inside out. See, We are given CHOICE. The freedom of choice. If we dont open ourselves to Him---then how can He work in us? we MUST be open even to change. good change. Change in Him. Forget mankind and what mankind wants. I want what my Father wants.
So for friendships, sometimes, that means changes too.

Now....because of change, if I stay away from the ones who are stressful it doesnt mean i love them any less, it just means Ive distanced because perhaps---there is within a reason of my own. So I perfer my stressfree friends----who care enough about their lives to make changes the same as I do.

Some talk all the time about "being around ones who lift you up" but.....we can only lift so much. If you are going to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, we can only do so much, ultimately the choice is yours. IF you have so much strife in your life, and you ask yourself why but you refuse to acknowledge your part---how can you see? You say "I am so good, I do this or that, Im so wonderful. I dont do this or that." --- But yet, you have strife, heartbreak----then were are you seeking? What are YOU allowing? What choices are you choosing? You beg for God in all His Glory to rescue you---but have you opened your heart to truly obeying and changing? Sometimes what WE want and what HE intends, are not the same thing.

When you keep carrying this---it affects others. We begin to own problems we don't want to. If we want to be around uplifting people who enjoy life, then we MUST become those people too. Its OKAY to have problems, but it is not okay to live them 24/7 because that is not a life. You may beg to differ, but honestly---I wouldn't want to be in your shoes. I draw a line at crying or being irritable or bitter because im trying to be the perfect friend or woman or wife or mother----there comes a time when I say LORD WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO. And it may take a few tries, eventually I get it right. IF I can. So can you.

Any excuses in your life--are our own. Any repeat cycles in our lives...are our own.
When we choose them and we choose to do them "our way" we prohibit His work in our lives.

Be the change in your own because ultimately, it begins with you. Just as mine begins with me.

Security comes from accepting what we lack. What we don't have. BEing satisfied with it, and waiting patiently on HIS timing. Because what we allow Him to remove, He will give back more. Obedience. Trust. Faith. Do you have it? I'm learning.

Even I am sad without friends. I am fortunate to have 2 elders (those who are older and wiser than myself) and trustworthy---to occasionally unload on, and I do mean OCCASSIONALY its a very rare occasion. But we cannot humanly carry evertything with us, even after unloading on Christ sometimes we just need to vent. WISE people understand this. Mere humans of this world, do not. They will spit it out and twist it around and it will come out.

I am everyones friend. What comes to me, stays with me, God has taught me this. I know nothing. I am eyes to listen. A wisdom to understanding. I'll be there in time of need---no matter who they are to me. A friend a foe. I know that when I am in need they say "oh ill be here" the truth is, Ive been there and needed them a thousand times----they were no where to be found--excuses in every path and every way. So I've learned to embrace what I dont have. To be secure in what I lack. Patience is a virtue. I have Christ. I can smile. I can say "satan get the behind" when he starts to try to stir up strife.

Who are you? Who do you want to be? I would love to do more----perhaps one day. But I am happy that I can count on ONE HAND the very few I would dare to call a friend. It doesnt mean I dont need the female companionship of just generalized company. We all do.

I too have been judged and rated---but for those who have judged me--it will go right back to them, unless and until they make ammends, and likewise for me. I sure do hope I've covered all my bases. My deep thoughts for this shall stop here. :) Goodnight blog readers.

Dating/Relationships and God's Timing

I will start this blog off with a quote that does not belong to me, credit goes to the author at the very end of this quotation. Please do not take this for yourself, for it would be plaguarism. Credit should go where credit is due, always.

This caught my attention.

"Look, everybody doesn't deserve you, so stop giving your heart, your body, your mind, to any and everybody. Just because they tell you the right things doesn't make them the right one. Just because the first date went right doesn't make them wifey/husband material. Stop searching for it, and let God bring it to you. Acting DESPERATE for attention is not attractive. Not respecting yourself for attention is not attractive. Begging to be noticed is not attractive. Insecure people do that. Insecure people want attention, secure people demand respect. Insecure people brag and show off, secure people are humble. Insecure people PRETEND to be perfect, secure people embrace their flaws. There's beauty in confidence, but confidence isn't about showing off what you got, it's more about being secure in what you lack. Don't thirst for attention. Remember, if it's God sent, you won't have to chase it!" -(Written By: TRENT SHELTON--2013-via Facebook)

As we remember who we are, and who's around us. What we want, and don't want. Feeling of contentment. I feel this applies to many areas of our lives, not just in "singles"...but for marraiges, relationships in families, friendships the entire 9 yards can contribute in this. For example, I quit months ago looking for friendships. Feeling sorry when I realized, none around me that I am actually assessible to, are genuine in person. Instead HE has another plan but was waiting for me to submit. I submitted. I know who they are. Even if I can't see them or reach them on a daily basis---they exist. I must be patient. One day I will be surrounded constantly by what I crave. And remembering always that He provides and He is plenty enough.

Dating? Relationships? ahhh.....Tonight, long before someone posted this----and shared it--- I had a visit with 2 girlfriends----and Im secure in what I don't have. We talked about dating and how---Im secure and content with just hanging out with my girlfriends for a movie or dinner or hot cocoa. I made it clear for me, I'm content with waiting for my God, the maker and creator of heaven and earth, to bring a man to my life. It is his timing ultimatly that counts above all. The only dates I want are the ones with girlfriends. Theyre fun. They're better. One day, because I have been patient, He will reward me with the godly man that He knows I need. He knows alllll about me. All my troubles, my sorrows and my cares. All I must do is be patient.

I may never have been married---and I may have had my moments---but they're long past. Thankfully. Being a wild child or well that is something Ive never been but ive made my share of dumb stupid idiot mistakes, and learning to move past it was HARD, but the Lord taught me I have to forgive myself. We must all do that, and prepare ourselves to become ready for that relationship. What kind of man/woman do you want. Are YOU ready to be THAT person? We must be what we want. We must allow our hearts open for change from above---for Him to mold us---for we are His clay. He is our potter. If we are not open to change, then that is our choice, and we will be dealt the hand of our choosing---without realizing that is what we have chosen. Ultimately, its up to us.

A lot of praying and a lot of refocusing, has gotten me where I am now. More than anything, I cherish my time home with my son. I love it. I enjoy school and focus it gives. God in all of His perfect timing---when HE is ready, will give me the one HE and He alone has chosen.

I embrace my flaws, with love and give them to Him, to modify if its His will. I have flaws, we all do. I've learned so much about myself, about being humble instead of prideful, and I can see and feel the difference when I allow the Holy Spirit to guide me and to work as one with mine. I want to be more like Christ. I want to love others as He loves me. I want to forgive quickly, I want to embrace. More than anything, I feel secure today in what I don't have and I know the time will come when I shall recieve those things I do not have. I trust very much so in HIS timing. The best part is I dont "need" the male companionship---and its wonderful to not seek it. Do I miss it? yes. of course, it would be nice to have someone to snuggle with and share a life with or share with to be a 2nd best friend. Because Christ is my first---my first love.

Now, the story goes back to you. What do you choose?

Just a heartfelt night, when I should be sleeping. Randomness.

BLOG POST:

There are days like today, when I'm reminded that our Heavenly Father is caring and He IS listening, even when I'm muttering mostly to myself--He sends someone out of the blue-of course, my actual friends from out of town----to say hello--just over little things.

 for most of you on facebook, I'm here to "entertain" something to "read'......because I talk constantly. :)  I try anyway. And plus to keep family up to date---since they enjoy hearing from me, even if its just dumb random stuff ;) :-D

I'm quiet in person  -----
 Unless your deaf, then in person-I might yak and usually---too much about stupid random stuff that doesn't matter, because they're safe topics---or to cover my nervousness and because I want to be friendly and I just dont know what to say so I ramble about nothing in particular or things no one cares about.

Sometimes we think we'll be fine without companionship of friends. But the truth is, we are a companion society. Even if we are loners, we occassionally need that "feel" of being around people.

Living in here in  (insert town name) America is a love/hate relationship for me. I like the peace and the quiet, same as (hometown 30 miles away).


 --but I hate being far away from the few friends I do have, and the church/church family I would like to be a part of.  (no that doesn't include (insert hometown)  in all their "niceness" I perfer "genuineness" civilized is good but...when its not genuine it really hurts me. I have plenty of deaf acquaintances  type occasional companions here--but its not the same as having an actual friend and being a part of a real freindship. I love the few dear friends I have---I just dont get to see them often enough. And the fewer, the better yes, but it would be nice to have a GENUINE real one--nearby. :-D

I do have hearing friends that are genuine, but communication barrier is quiet an issue for me.
A church family that I KNOW I would love, surrounded by amazing people, who are true to themselves and God---godly people, in my eyes..if you will. :) People with genuine hearts, who make me want to be a better person, just by their very existence. I have a few deaf friends like this---who I dont see often. We all need that. Those people randomly say hi---and your entir enight is just better because of it.

Anyhoo, back to the story---
(girls night coming up---it'll be fun---a good night of random company--with acquaintance type friends/companionship type)  Not actually genuine friends per se.
Do I even make any sense?

  I love college,-but..... being deaf and shy and communication barriers prevent hanging out with cool hearing people who can't sign. :(  So I distance myself from people-including folks I grew up with that i know would love to hang out and visit. I avoid accepting lunch dates with hearing people---and invites to their gatherings---becasue---Ive tried, and I fail at it.  I just can't do it.

I am me, and this is one of my random nights, of heartfelt blogging---which may or may not make sense. :-D

Forgiveness

I woke up this morning, to the most surprising text I have had in a long while. All I can really say is GOD IS GOOD! He loves us so much, and others so much, and prayers DO come true.

Giving our lives-relationships, friendsips, jobs, everything we have--to God,is the best that we can do for ourselves. And I truly truly believe this.

My life --especially in the past year has been amazing, ofc, not perfect, but definitly amazing, compared to the many that struggle. Ofc I have struggles, but they are nothing like those that don't have the Lord in their lives. This morning, a couple truly showed, that they're truly trying to give their lives to Him. That they've truly forgiven, and moved forward, from the bad things that have happened.

The young lady took the first step, by apologizing, to those who needed apologizing to-and I honestly didn't expect that she would apologize to me too--for something thats a year old-and this shows I believe, that these are first steps ---and you know, I applaud that---because that is the hardest things that we do in a daily life--accepting that we were wrong...we admit when we're wrong, we ask forgiveness for what we've done wrong. To the persons we did it to. And by the divine power of the Lord--life gets better. Because He loves us!

Whoever we are, some of the hardest things, is to forgive someone for something they've done. I had an instance where I struggled. Everytime I thought I forgave, I would have all this anger come back up when I thought of those persons-and I was smart enough to realize, that I hadn't truly forgiven-and I would have to truly pray-constantly, and ask the Lord to help me to forgive, and truly let go of that anger. It didn't happen overnight--it took 4 months to truly 100 percent forgive. I wanted to forgive, I was angry---butI knew I would need to let it go, or it would consume me! A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. (Proverbs 29:11, NIV) Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. (Psalm 37:7, NIV)
Echoing this Psalm is a Proverb:
Do not say, "I'll pay you back for this wrong!" Wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you. (Proverbs 20:22, NIV)

And this is the time the Lord told me too that I had to weed people out of my life.

To me, we as humans, we can't forgive--we NEED our Lord to help us. HE gives us the ability to forgive. I feel this is why there are so many angry ppl in the world, so many that I see that refuse to forgive--they can't--bec its beyond their capabilities--and they need the Lord to do so.

And I believe that even though people may be our enemies, we must pray for them--because its the right thing to do--for them--to find the Lord, to find peace within their marraiges, to find eachother again, to learn to forgive--because I believe in the power of God. So this morning, I am smiling, because --God has been sooo good!

It won't matter who they are. Forgiveness is a part of healing, no matter how we've been wronged--we CAN forgive---by the mercy of Gods loving grace. Because people, we are not perfect--but He is. Look at all we have done! If our Lord can forgive us--then we can forgive others!

Some people view Christian life as "easy", maybe we make it look easy--but its not. Its one of the most difficult paths we'll ever travel, its not a path that is easy to stay on--there are times, when it does seem easy to stay on---it is definitly the path less traveled. But if we remember Him daily, in our prayers, and go to Him, He will help us.

So don't let go. Hang on tight! For the ride, is soo worth it!

Men who sweet talk

Something that just crossed my mind again tonight. Men who call every lady a sweet name. They say they're wanting a girl who will settle with them, and they may even tell you its you.


I dont know about other ladies, I can't speak for everyone, but for me--- if I see a guy calling several ladies the same name he calls me---well then in my eyes, he is nothing special. Every man thinks they are different and will claim to be different. Apparently, so do men who say they are godly.


We will have to agree to disagree if you think there is nothing wrong with a guy who calls says the same sweet things to different women. I don't melt at that, and I sure will lose interest fast. Thats IF they even had my interest to begin with.


I'm unique, and I'm special, and yes, I have high standards-as far as morals and values go, and I won't settle for anything less. I'm not high maintenance, I don't spend money and I won't spend theirs.


Guys, if you are going to talk to a girl, and you have interest, and the girl has none in you---but you want the girl to---well any interest you might possibily gain down the road---you just killed it by making another girl feel just as special.


See, we women want a man who is not going to make other women feel special, but instead, we want a man who is going to make that ONE feel special and the other women to say "I want that." ....that is the kind of man I'm keeping my eye out for.


Of course, I wan't a godly man. and some day I will settle down. But he is going to have to be something BIG and special. I have dreams, and I have big ones, and they include the Holy Ghost, worship, praise, praying together and so much more. TOGETHER.


Like wise, a man who tells me Im beautiful, and this and that, then turns around and tells 3-8 other women the same thing----has lost my interest as well. Because to me, that just doesnt feel genuine. I won't look twice again at these guys. They will settle. So kudos to you if that works for you.


Its okay to be nice, and pay compliments---but if you want girl to feel special and know you are sincere, don't go paying the rest of the world compliments, and especially after you get her, others should be in awe of the relationship the two of you have. Thats my guy and I'm sticking to it. Compliments can be given freely---in the KNOW that this one guy is in love with that one woman and the compliment is exaclty that--a kind truthful honest compliment that won't cause damage anywhere.


Just my 2 cents and IMO's for the night.

People and the negativism that surrounds them

It amazes me how people wonder why their lives are so bad and why things go wrong for them, when all they do is lash out or they want to be angry and hold anger towards others, and respond in anger when someone is not nice to them. THey retaliate with hatred. Ugliness. Do you not realize this does not come from above? I dont mean a one time thing, where we all get upset once in a blue moon, I meanpeople who continue to show this.

These same people make me cringe when they say "I'll pray for you.".... The same way----people who PRETEND to be so good, act like theyre so sweet and wonderful, but in reality all they do is lie and decieve and dont get caught (or so they think theyre not caught ha)

Personally, I dont really put much stock into a person who claims to be a christian, but shows through their words and actions that they are for lack of better wording "a force to be reckoned with." (in a not good way) so when they say "ill pray for you....."...personally I dont care if they do or dont, because.......

Have you not read the verses Romans 12:20 and Proverbs 25:21-23?

Grudges are like bricks. They WILL weigh you down. Why let a little situation that will NOT matter in 5 years--stress you out?

When someone is rude to me--I just smile. Sometimes I even shake my head, smile and wave. (yeah it annoys them further ... and?) Sometimes its THEIR fault, like the girl who failed to stop at a stop sign at a 4 way and I was already moving across and she gives me the dirtiest look and the bird. really? lol well i laugh. Im not normal. I dont get mad. I dont want ot be normal becuase anger seems to be the norm these days.

Yes i get "UGH" when people say stupid stuff. or keep doing things and making excuses. or allowing behavior or whtever the case may be--justifying their or their childrens behaviors------- it annoys me to no end and stresses me out. But i look up, i shrug it off and I hand it upward cuz heck I aint got time for that.

I dont have time for those people. In 5 years it is NOT going to matter. Theyre not WORTH my stress or upset. So I try to remind myself that.

It amazes me of people who complain about how bad their lives are, and wonder why the lord doesn't help them. When you pray, do you ask the Lord to help you see inside your heart where you need to make changes? Something we should all do, especially if we wnat to genuinely change inside of ourselves to please Him. We're not here to please eachother, but it is great to set wonderful examples.


Soem people drink to get drunk constantly, lie because it makes them look good (it really doesnt but they think no one knows so no harm done right) , they bad mouth others and pretend to be friends with those people, or tell pretend theyre perfect and they don't do any of these things, when in fact they do.... and yet, they wonder why their life is so bad. I often wonder, if they would stop a moment and look inside of themselves with HIM---perhaps if they ask Him to show them, then He would, and they could say 'ooooh' and make changes accordingly. They may even not realize they're making someone look bad with petty words, because its just a habit of theirs. I see so many on facebook ask "why is He not answering my prayers".....and I wonder why they really have to ask.

So many are set in their ways "if you dont like me too bad." I think this is a sad way to be. If you want your life to be better, you should AIM to be better. Improvement is among every opportunity. There is no opportunity taken away that we cant improve our response, our feelings.

I feel REALLY sorry for people who thinkt he world owes them. I feel just as sorry for the people who think theyre justified in their anger towards others because someone "did something" to them. I shake my head and think "Lord, I am really sorry..." I pray alwyas that He will always help me to search withinmyself. To me its important. I care. I care especially what christ thinks of me. Sometimes He even has to remind me He knows, even if no one else does.

He is my rock, my salvation and my strength. I am made in His image for His Word tells me so and I know I am human, but I need to TRY for His sake, to act accordingly as to what is expected of me. AND try because I want to. Because I want to please Him, and because it feels good :) Is it hard? Yeah. cuz even I make mistakes. :(

I love Him, and I love myself enough----that I want only light and goodness in my life. I have no time for the ugliness that society allows to intertwine them. I give until I can't give anymore---until darkness threatens to reel me in, and then I remember to obey, to step further back, because they think they're walking in light and they can't see the darkness that consumes them. :( I have to back out before I get consumed.

Yep, I would say life is definitly a challenge, and no one said a walk with Him would be easy either, but oh I smile because its way better than anything else. Goodnight blog readers.


ps Leave comments, am I too lengthy, too personal? Is anything helpful? Do my blogs do anything for you? Feedback folk, come on! :)

why this mom shudders at halloween

Every year, halloween rolls around. Every year, I feel anxious upon this "holdiay"--i want it to just up and disappear and hurry and pass------a day and "time" that even christians choose to participate in Every year, its a darkness that creeps upon our society. Never mind we have it all year long now with the new zombie-walking dead craze and all the other things...

Ever year, even more so, on halloween Christians everywhere enagage in the "dark" of "Hallows Haunted Eve".... they embrace the zombies, the creepy crawlers and all the things associated with darkness. They enjoy being scared, and say "its okay" they love the dark feeling----which is yes, an adrianal rush but is it worth? Excuse after excuse----of why its "okay." but truly...do you truly feel that light shining when you say that?

I am a child of the light. I love the light. Its divine. I allowed my son to have a creepy halloween costume one year. Yes, just one year. I couldn't do it again. It was a slow proecess change, from football player, and minor things like that, to allowing a one time creepy outfit, to not trick or treating and not even offering candy. BEcause the context of fall festives has gotten lost.

I wanted him to know we should run from darkness all year and that it should not be allowed just because its halloween and a celebration of mankind that everyone deems to be "harmless fun." its dark. there is nothing "light" about any of it. There is nothing good of that.

Yes, I am a mom who dislikes halloween. I choose light. I choose all the good things that come with this wonderful season. Pumkins, the ssmell of fall, hoodies, scarecrows, the colors--all symbolizing the change of the season----no darkness. How can I do anything else? I am a child of the light. The light attracts me. Anything dark, my spirit pulls back, and i love the holy spirit within me. I think I'll keep him.

If I could, i would seprate the two and fall festives would happen Mid october----a time of fun and just good things to come, in the light---costumes galore---but all "good" all of light. and yes, trick or treat! but all in the light of "GOODNESS", no gory, horror, darkness or things that go bump in the night.

arent we here to be set apart? To be an example of Christ in this world. Halloween---is the total opposite of that. My heart is heavy for those who dont want to choose to understand to seek inside and "see".....

Is it hard? Yes. Of course it is. Every year I cringe. Every year i am so glad when halloween is done and over.

I'm just a mom, a human being who just doesn't enjoy the darkness of the world like the rest of you in the sense of halloween.......

(i dont do santaclause stuff in my house either but thats another story for another season ;) )