Just a heartfelt night, when I should be sleeping. Randomness.

BLOG POST:

There are days like today, when I'm reminded that our Heavenly Father is caring and He IS listening, even when I'm muttering mostly to myself--He sends someone out of the blue-of course, my actual friends from out of town----to say hello--just over little things.

 for most of you on facebook, I'm here to "entertain" something to "read'......because I talk constantly. :)  I try anyway. And plus to keep family up to date---since they enjoy hearing from me, even if its just dumb random stuff ;) :-D

I'm quiet in person  -----
 Unless your deaf, then in person-I might yak and usually---too much about stupid random stuff that doesn't matter, because they're safe topics---or to cover my nervousness and because I want to be friendly and I just dont know what to say so I ramble about nothing in particular or things no one cares about.

Sometimes we think we'll be fine without companionship of friends. But the truth is, we are a companion society. Even if we are loners, we occassionally need that "feel" of being around people.

Living in here in  (insert town name) America is a love/hate relationship for me. I like the peace and the quiet, same as (hometown 30 miles away).


 --but I hate being far away from the few friends I do have, and the church/church family I would like to be a part of.  (no that doesn't include (insert hometown)  in all their "niceness" I perfer "genuineness" civilized is good but...when its not genuine it really hurts me. I have plenty of deaf acquaintances  type occasional companions here--but its not the same as having an actual friend and being a part of a real freindship. I love the few dear friends I have---I just dont get to see them often enough. And the fewer, the better yes, but it would be nice to have a GENUINE real one--nearby. :-D

I do have hearing friends that are genuine, but communication barrier is quiet an issue for me.
A church family that I KNOW I would love, surrounded by amazing people, who are true to themselves and God---godly people, in my eyes..if you will. :) People with genuine hearts, who make me want to be a better person, just by their very existence. I have a few deaf friends like this---who I dont see often. We all need that. Those people randomly say hi---and your entir enight is just better because of it.

Anyhoo, back to the story---
(girls night coming up---it'll be fun---a good night of random company--with acquaintance type friends/companionship type)  Not actually genuine friends per se.
Do I even make any sense?

  I love college,-but..... being deaf and shy and communication barriers prevent hanging out with cool hearing people who can't sign. :(  So I distance myself from people-including folks I grew up with that i know would love to hang out and visit. I avoid accepting lunch dates with hearing people---and invites to their gatherings---becasue---Ive tried, and I fail at it.  I just can't do it.

I am me, and this is one of my random nights, of heartfelt blogging---which may or may not make sense. :-D