Forgetfulness

Write it down. Put it in your phone. Set alert. Write it down somewhere else---and STILL forget it. I think I am just going to start putting sticky notes on myself. I think its having too many things to remember---that make me forget---- or.. I am just simply full of fog. Well at least its not frogs!



If I were to post this on facebook the quick comeback would be oh put it in your phone...thats what I do.......and no, putting it in my phone wont work. Because I wont remember to look. and as for notifications....I turn the alert off, and then within 5 minutes its forgotten. If I write it down----unless its hanging on my wall---I wont remember it.

Today I got a few things checked off----thanks to being able to 'go" when the "timer alert" went off. Only thing I forgot is---drop coat to dry cleaners.


Its only 10:19....and here I was thinking it was past 12am...because I really thought I saw 11 something...an hour ago because I was thinking I would go walmart around 8 or 9pm. Well an hour ago it was 9ish. Eh, nevermind now...I am too tired.

But that is nothing compared to going to Dollar General at 9:30pm to get eye drops----and arriving and not remembering what you went for---and come home----and about 20 mins later, you realize your eyes are like sandpaper.......

I remind myself I am normal. This may not be normal, but it is the life of someone with hypo thyroid---or no thyroid at all....as well in addition you can add Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibro...... It is also the life of someone taking 3 different Disease Modifying Anti Rheumatoid Drugs (DMARDS)

Life is chaotic--when you are 41 years old and trying to finish school and you cannot remember to do assignemnts even if you write them down which days theyre due---you will still be unorganized, and very lazy, except you are not lazy because the medications take a lot out of you.

That is okay, if you are like me, know you are not alone. If you are not like me----research before you judge. Be empathetic even if you cannot be sympathetic. :)

Happy Friday---here's to a good weekend to all the blog browsers!

Feelings in life.....friends? lonliness?

So many people seem so sad all the time.Extremely depressed over what are big issues, but not issues we should be so down and out about on a continuously daily basis. I can understand being down and out. I feel that way sometimes too We are after all...human. So am I.

Its just......I hate see people being so down and out about being alone, no friends, no one visit, they go no where. It really depresses them. Makes me sad for them--not bec theyre sad---but bec they dont handle it well. :(

I also hate seeing people hurt by people who are supposed to be friends--- too many today "pretend" or say they're genuine and real----but as soon as someone turns their back---they are the first to start talking ill of someone. They turn around and start kicking someone when they are not around, and even when theyre hurting and down theyll still kick em while they're down. These people claim to be amazing wonderful people they act like theyre the best most genuinest friend you could ever have. On facebook, they'll say why do people gossip why do people do this---and yet, we feel the pain bec we've been there, they'v etalked about us. THeyve hurt us.

Holidays seem to be the hardest for everyone. 2013 was a year of changes for me.Huge changes, and a learning process. Elimination. Trusting in the Lord....

I dont have friends where I live- not real ones anyone. Not genuine ones. Just...people....--so to speak---I have a ton of "acquaintenaces" to me, friends are not people who will kick you when your down or bad mouth you to someone else, or even go behind your back-----I had to learn the hard way who my friends were through the years. I am still learning. Bec even I fall off track (I did this for 2 years) (dumbest thing ever) Im back on track with myself, my Lord, my life......

Now---im cautious. Very. And yes, its hard.And yes I know we feel down out out because we help others when they need------Like .... When theyre in pain, in tears, just need a ride, whatever....even sick---Im there---I'll be there for anyone and everyone bec I am genuine. But as soon as I need someone--or when Im sick----NO ONE is anywhere to be found.Its one excuse after another. I used to cry and I got tired of crying. Everyone elses day is alway smore special than my own. I have learned this through the years---i wasn't meant to have friends who would....do things for me. I am meant to do things for others---even if they are not real friends to me. My point is, I am human jus tlike you, we just have to choose our battles.


Most of my actual friends are out of town. I have facebook friends---pretty much the source of my interaction with people.....literally. Ive gotten even when I go to deaf events----I treat each person as a cautious reminder they are probablY NOT my friend, and they're just being nice. :( I know this is not a good thing, but this is how I feel these days. I can't trust or believe anyone. I have a huge inner fear of being hurt so the only way I can avoid it---is to put that wall up and remind myself that they probably are NOT my friend---theyr ejust merely acquaintances Ive met along the way.

I have the Lord. Who keeps me sane because without Him I am nothing. With Him, I can get through anything :)

He sends me a few locals who are hearing-- who every now and then to remind me---He's here and Im not alone. :) Delight in the little things. :) I have a local friend who sends bread home with me sometimes. She's a delight :) Sometimes its the little things, that He uses to remind us----we may be far from our own actual friends, but HE provides even better ones. :) and those He asks us to give up---He replaces with far better ones if we trust in Him. :)

I just feel sad for those who feel depressed and hurt--- continously over lack of being around people and other things too. I know its hard to be alone---especially during the holidays. And to those who are hurting bec "friends" have hur tthem. Esp the ones who I know do so much for others---and I have never heard an ill word out of their mouhts/hands. For me... I choose mind over matter :) I tell myself.... I'tll pass. doesnt everything in life? It usually passes :) Ofc that doesn tmean it doesnt hurt int he process. bec it really does.

Truly and honestly------Its a choice of mind over matter. Only we can decide how we are going to feel about something. Only we can decide if we are going to stay feeling the pain----, or if we are going to choose to let the tears flow for one day or two--because it IS okay to cry------and then choose to smile through this. I would be utterly depressed if I allowed myself to be sad all the time about not having people around constantly. I would also not be in great shape if I didnt cry and then dust myself off.

I know not everyone is strong, but I do honestly beleive its a choice that we make within ourselves. Does that mean I and others dont hurt inside? No...of course we do too----we are human and we might be strong and able...but there are days we too hurt inside. We just can't let Satan win, especially if we are godly women/men who in ourselves are trying to change and learn wisdom from above and take His guidence as He molds us like the clay we are who submit ourselves to HI.

God has a use for me----and if I'm needed, then I'm needed. God has appointed me my friends, and they are with me in heart---even if they're miles away and not nearby. :) Just bec the ones I help---doesnt mean they have to be the ones who are there for me. Just bec theyre local. Ive learned not to rely on them. It used to hurt. But Ive learned---thats the way it will be.

Sometimes the Lord has other plans. Sometimes we're meant to be there for someone else------but they aren't there for us---thats okay. :) Be heartbroken--and get over it. :) No sense in dwelling on it----and it sure has made a happier me! I love my life and my new way of thinking. Practice helps---A lot. (ofc there are still days ha)

Ive made a lot of changes in my life----but those changes are my choices. Its made for a healthier and happier me---even those of others you see who are happy---im sure they have their days too---- it happens sometimes but we choose not to let it be a daily thing. I hope you will choose not to let those things bother you too bec its really not worth it and its more fun being upbeta and posisitve and truly isnt that bad! :)

If I can--so can you :) You got this. So buckle up and choose how you want to embrace life and feel everyday! :) and if you know me and see me down out---just remember---even I need this reminder time and time again------This is why I find myself perfering to be alone at home--- and not surrounded by people. (not really a preference---its just a choice that I am left with---the only one that seems to be the safest. I dont like it, i'd rather be around people sometimes---but--truth is---since theyre all untrustworthy and not really real---i perfer to just be alone. Its going to take something big to show me that i have actual friends anywhere.

(which was really hard at first) but through tons of prayer and the Holy Spirit remidning me that I can get through this----bec of everything that has been said----I have learned to smile through the pain. I have chose to be thankful this year---- for the insight He has shown me, and to trust Him that He has better things for me this year---that He removed those in my life---for a reason. So while I dust myself off, just know----your not alone. :)



Hugs to all!

Welcoming 2014 and a New You

I know I want to be a better person. I want to make changes where when others see me, they see more of Christ and less of me. I base mine on my faith---I base mine on "Lord, your the potter and I am the clay." He helps me in all I do. I see all sides, He teaches me love---He teaches and shows me--- A happier life----cannot be made with bitterness and negative towards ourselves or others if we have that bitterness, how can we be happy? God is not bitterness---HE IS LOVE!! LOVE! A big word! Serious meaning (for anther blog)

This year---I have no resolutions. I did great at the mid end of 2013 in providing myself with the choices and decisions I needed to make---and obeying the LORD and learning little changes as He shows me how to fall in line with His Word.

Ive learned that changing a lifestyle immediately isn't really practical---but that I can make little changes week by week that will be healthier and hopefully thereby easier to commit to. A healthier me--and no matter our size! We need to have longer healthier better lives. America has too many bad temptations! A healthier, happier and more fulfilled life.
Im not just talking about food--I am talking about a WAY of life. Food, commitment, positive attitudes-----they are choices and decisions we are given freely--and ones we make on our own.

I know I want to be a better person. I want to make changes where when others see me, they see more of Christ and less of me. I love having a positive attitude. I love that the Lord reminds me that I have the ability through Him to get through anything--and that tomorrow is always better and things do look up--and HE is here and He provides.

Every day is a time of newness. The old is past--yesterday is done. Dwelling on anything past yesterday--hinders today and tomorrow!

Once I made that decision, my feelings, emotions, mind, heart--everything fell into place with it. We just need to "DECIDE" and "DO IT." There is just no other way. I became happier---I became more fulfilled. My life became better---I have many goals and desires of changes------for the better----but they will NOT be what I, in the flesh want---they will be in line with the LORD and His molding of me. To make me what I ought to be.

Our flesh does not fall in line with the Word of God---we must be open to His will to make these positive changes. Example, someone makes us angry---our flesh retaliates, stays angry, refuses to look at all sides---so we become bitter--who is that hurting? US!!! not the other person! God teaches us how to forgive and shows us that we do not need to be bitter or carry a grudge---we simply make changes----and smile towards them. Why? BEcause what better weapon do you have!????? If we are truly living in His faith---and truly wanting to make changes like that in our lives--we MUST MUST allow HIM access. If we dont ----we are choosing our own path and not His. God is love. And He loves even our enemies.


We're human and human emotions are a part of life--but we alone choose how to deal with it, the following days to come. :) Once you remember that mind set---and take week by week of those little changes----it becomes easier and easier.

To speak words of kindness---to LIVE by those words, to speak words of encouragement and change and to LIVE by those words. Change won't happen over night, but little by little week by week, we can make improvements in ourselves to be better.

I have had an amazing end of 2013---after my 40th birthday--I made a decision--not to let these things affect me---bec if I do--I will be down and out. I dont like being down and out. I like being upbeat happy and positive. So one day to be down and out is enough for me. I wake up-I tell myself how today is goign to go. I say my prayers, I ask the Lord to be with me and guide me, and to help me stand by what I desire--which is to be made in His image. To allow HIM to make over my thoughts, my heart and my mind.

I made a few more errors after that--we are after all human right? But the big thing is---contentment. I feel fullfilled. Im happy, and I choose my path, I made A LOT Of changes in 2013. Part of that meant eliminting people in my life---letting go of old lifestyles---and letting go of regrets----AND understanding that sometimes we go through "phases" that last a little while but do not have to define us---goodness knows i had my share of that in 2011-2012----then 2013 was all about "washing" and learning obedience...... making the changes. Obeying God isn't easy---even when the changes are what we want----they can often be hard to do-----but wow!!! LOVE!!! and it has def made me healthier and happier!

Heres to you--and a new you. Who do you want to be? :) You decide how you will handle dramas and things that come your way---participate---or dont---simple as that. :) Have a great 2014 friends!